The Deeper Meaning of Life

Answering a call of nature in a bush is a delicate affair. It is even more so, I discovered, if you are in the depths of Kenya’s moist highland forests. Here the colonial administrators cast an appreciative glance at rolling hills and deep valleys, and with a glint in their eye, situated forest stations and outposts at the top of small mountains or in secluded glades. The total effect of this is that you might not have access to a toilet when you most need it.So it was that I had need of a bush while I was in one forest recently. Forests have very weird microclimates such that you can be freezing while driving through them, but the moment you start a brisk walk you start sweating like a pig. Or get rained on. Then you feel rather thirsty and drink your entire water ration for the day and a few minutes later, due to the drip drip of the rain, your brain suggests to your bladder that it should send out an urgent call for relief. That was I in this sort of situation.Being in the company of other people, I whispered to one of my colleagues that I needed to visit “Uncle George” as we used to say in school.“Me too. I will take you into that thicket,” he whispered back.Now being a good girl, I objected to the idea of being taken into a thicket by any man who is not my kin. I mean, what would my pastor think? Luckily, I was taking photos for the trip and I had cameras with me. I grabbed the biggest and with a nod asked him to lead the way while walking in a manner to suggest that we do not like each other at all.Like I said this is a delicate matter. You do not crouch in the bush without looking closely at the fauna and flora. Safari ants can end up in very sensitive areas!A few steps into the thicket and my colleague goes, “Liz, you can’t do this here”. All around us we were surrounded by shoulder length stinging nettle. I had never seen it grow this tall.My colleague suggested that I walk further on and he would keep watch. By this time, I have to tell you, my bladder was screaming. But ahead of me there was just more stinging nettle. So I stood there and held my bladder as I listened to my colleague whistle as he went on with business.Funny enough I was able to carry on, even managing to sip a milky cup of tea while listening to the resident forester espouse the goodness of stinging nettle as a tea